At the airport..again :0)

This time we're coming home. We are all sad to leave. It was such an amazing visit. No ED...makes things so much less dramatic! We hung out and had a great time with the family. I can't get over how awesome of a time we had. Not looking forward to the next few hours of travel. 5 people, 5 coats, 5 bags, 5 carryons, and 1 pillow pet, followed by a 3 hour drive home. I'm tired just thinking about it!!

Let's go buffalo!!

On our way to the Bills game!!! Woot-woot!!

We're heeerrrreeee!

So far so good. We got a sweet ride for a rental car, drives like dream. Tomorrow we are going shopping. Jonathan is super excited to get tons of Bills stuff. Grams is fixing' dinner. I can't wait, I'm starving.

At the airport...

Gotta love technology, I'm sitting at the gate waiting to board the plane and blogging on my phone. Sweet! We made it through security ok. I didn't know to take off my hoodie do I got a pat down. No biggie, it's private security, not TSA, no I didn't get groped :). We go from KC to Cleveland, then on to Buffalo!! So far no snow there, but pray for lots of it! That's half the reason we are going. Hopefully, it will be a nice relaxing trip. Supposedly Jason's mother has no idea we are coming east, so there should not be any issues with her. If she gets wind she's only 5 hours away and could be there in 1/2 a days drive. We do not want that!! Hopefully I'll get decent reception and can update often. Jason's grams lives in the boonies, so don't hold your breathe. P.S. I already miss my sissy and her family something terrible!! I hate not spending Christmas with them!!

Nervous Breakdown

Tonight on the way home from work I was talking to Josh and Pam(my 2 bosses).  They are heading back from St.Louis where they attended a CEO Boot Camp with our coaching company.  I was supposed to go, but decided  the last minute to stay back b/c we had 6 closing n 3 days.  Anyway, Josh asks me when I'm going to get my real estate license.  He purchased the course for me in August.  My original goal was to have it done the end of October.  I'm so far behind.  I 'm so tired.  I feel so overwhelmed.  Like someone always wants a piece of me. There's no down time.  No rest time.  Always go-go-go.  Work is non stop.  I barely eat lunch most days, I come home and it's family stuff, then bed.  Week ends are full of errands, cleaning, sports, family time.  It's not that I don't love this life I lead, I do.  It's just a very busy life.  So when Josh asked me when I would could commit to getting it done, I said the end of Jan., then he said the end of Dec.  I said no way, and then I broke down crying and babbled on about all the stuff I have going in  my life.  I would love to just have a weekend away.  I don't wanna sight see, I don't want to "vacation"  I want to sleep.  Be lazy.  NOT clean.  NOT  check e-mail.  Just be.  With nobody asking me for anything, expecting anything.  It's selfish to feel that way.  Terribly selfish.  I've spent 15 years devoting almost every moment of my life, existence, soul, heart, blood, tears and sweat to my family, to others.  I don't want to change that.  I just want to start devoting time to myself too.  To read, to sleep, to learn new things, to be alone without having to justify it.  I mean should I really have to ASK people to leave the bathroom and let me pee in peace?? NO.  I think I made Josh feel bad.  He told me we'd talk about the class later and then sent a text saying that he didn't mean to make me cry. I know he didn't.  It was just the straw that broke the camels back this week at work has been so stressful and busy.  I'm exhausted.  Tomorrow night we have this big company evening planned for exceeded our goal in November.  A party bus to drive us to the swankiest Christmas light displays in town, then back to Kanai, the BEST Sushi in town hands down.  It's going to be awesome and you know what?  I don't want to go.  I mean I do, but I don't.  I really want to stay home and relax.  I won't though.  I'll go, I'll have fun, and on Sunday I'll be exhausted.

Testing

Posting from my iPhone.... This might make me blog more. Maybe I'll do this instead of status updates!!

3 months....

So much has happened there's no way I can completely recap.  I can't even remember Sept. or Oct.  I'm sure lots of stuff happened, but I can't be sure :O)  Life is just flying by.  I feel like yesterday Harrison was a baby, heck, I feel like yesterday Jonathan was a baby!

Right now we are counting down to Christmas.  Jason's Grandma bought the family tickets to New York, so everyone is pretty excited about that.  I hope that it will be a the vacation I really need.  I've taken on a lot more responsibilities at work and it's really wearing on  me.  Don't get me wrong, I still love my job and I enjoy the new things am I doing and being involved in...it's just very tiring.  We don't leave for 3 1/2 weeks and I'm already freaked out about what's going to go wrong while I'm gone. Agh.  I ordered my real estate class 3 months ago and have not cracked the book but once.  I think part of me is scared.  It will have another layer of complexity to my job and right now, I don't think I'm ready for it.  I'm so overwhelmed all the time.  I'm no longer on top of things how I used to be.  There's always so much going on.  Work, Jason's school, the children's school stuff, sports.  I know everyone deals with it and most of the time it doesn't bother me.  That's not the case lately though.  I just want to relax!  Read.  Watch a movie. Sleep in.  Do NOTHING!   Wishful thinking.  Jason does a TON and I am so lucky to have him.  I can't fathom how I would feel if I added laundry and cleaning to all that.  Right now I do very little of those.

I'm going to start seriously running again.  I'm going to do the 1/2 marathon in my hometown in April.  I've gained back all the weight I lost last year, so I know that doesn't help my attitude.  Get rid of the fat clothes sounds like a good plan when you are skinny.  Gain it back though....and you wind up with a closet full of clothes that don't fit.  It sucks.

I'll try to be better about this whole blog thing....

So much to tell...

We are all moved into the new house and mostly unpacked.  I think Jason and I are going to work on the MB tonight after Harri goes to bed.  I HATED our old house.  I tried not to think about it, but now that we're gone....AGH, I hated it so much.  I'm so happy to have a house that is newer, nicer, and bigger.  It's much more "me".  I know that's snobby and horrible of me and I don't care.  I want to live in a nice place.  I won't feel bad about that.  We were going to go back and work real hard to get our deposit back, but we've decided not to.  Jason did a final walk thru with our Landlord and he wants about $400 worth of stuff done(steam clean carpets, repaint 3 rooms, fix window)  Most of these are things that need to be done.  I personally think the paint is "wear and tear"  we did live there 2 years.  I do believe we need to fix the window and clean the carpets though.  Here's my concern.  We spend $400 doing wants he wants and he still doesn't give his back our deposit.  OR We spend $400 and 8-10 hours man power to get it done and he gives up back our deposit. He's already told us he's taking off $60 for the plumber b/c the last time they came out that was our "portion" of the bill. So we are down to $540 minus the $400 and the man hours we put into it.  So we actually get $140.  It's not worth my time to spend a whole Sunday for that.  I feel very confident that no mater what we do he won't give us back our full deposit. So I'm going to basically cut my losses and basically "pay" him to put it in the condition he wants it.  We've already cleaned, wiped, and mopped.  That's all he's getting from us.  He can do all that other stuff.

Got a big bonus at work today :O)  SOOO excited.  I'm working on getting everything paid for 6 months so the (way) higher rent we pay won't be such a pinch each month.  It's worth it.  I love my house.  I've already paid 6 months of insurance and I'm going to pay off the credit cards too.  I think with the bonus I'm going to pay 6 months of van payments too. I also have to start planing for Jonathan's big birthday party too.  The Dj quote we got was $240 and the country club rental is $150-200.  Then there's decorations, food...  I'm so glad he only has a golden birthday once!!  It's gonna be so fun though.  I think I even got a photographer too :O)

I'm having a REALLY hard time with Jonathan going to middle school. Tonight we went to the football meeting and I couldn't stop thinking about the bus rides to and from games.  He's growing up... and I don't like it.  I was sick all day thinking about if he could get his locker open, if the 8th graders were bothering him, could he find his classes, did he get lost, was he late, was the teacher mean to him if he was...  I was SO happy to see him at 5:45 practice, to know he was alive and okay. Sounds silly I know, but he's my first born., my baby.

Tired

I slept lousy last night.  I was supposed to meet Josh at 7:30 for book review and I'm SO glad he postponed.  I got to sleep in a little and I needed it. We ended up meeting over lunch instead.  We are reading one of James Maxwell's books again.  LOVE IT.  Love him, his books are so great.  So much is happening at work.  The team is growing so fast and our systems aren't growing with us.  We are having growing pains to say the least. We have a couple of agents who aren't team players.  They need a good spanking, however that's not the best way to lead...so we deal with it for now.  We got the moving truck tonight and started loading up.  OK, I didn't load up my awesome husband did.  He did pretty much everything he could with out a dolly.  We'll go rent one tomorrow or Thursday.  So ready to be in the new house.

2 blogs in 1 week??

i miss blogging and when i'm not in front of a computer i can think of all sorts of things to blog about, but when i sit down i draw a blank.  the house is almost packed.  i'll bring home the company truck this weekend(perk of working for a real estate office) and we'll get to loading.  we packed a lot over the weekend and jason and the kids will finish up tomorrow.  then 5:30 friday we meet the lady to get the key! woo-hoo!  i can't wait! i'm freaking out a little about the increased rent, but i'm already planning on using my bonus's to off set the higher monthly amount.  i haven't been running :O(  no reason really other then heat and laziness.  i'm going to pay for my entry next week that way i'm committed to doing it.  i still have time to do a descent train up.  i'm hoping that school starting will help. i hate the havoc summers reek upon my schedule(or lack of)  savannah will be playing vollyball in the fall for the rec center and jonathan will be playing football, of course.  for the middle school... scary.  7th grade...  it really creeps me out that he's going to school with girls who have boobs.  thankfully he seems to have a good head on his shoulders and i keep a super tight eye on him and his friends. it seems a lot of parents these days use facebook as babysitters for their children.  more than once i've had to get on there and regulate his friends b/c their own parents don't  :O(  work is going good, busy, but i love it.  i love what i do and i have the most awesome boss in the world.  in addition to my normal bonus's he called me into his office last week and told me to book a night at the great wolf lodge for the family, on him.  just to say thanks for all the extra work i've been doing(we've been SO busy!)  we are gonna stay in sept when we go to k.c. to see taylor(woot-woot)  the kids are stoked.  our business is growing so much!  we have 26 closings in august for a total of almost 4 million in total sales and 100k in gross commission income.  who says the real estate market is down??  it's definitely a buyers market, but there is a market!!

A full calendar month?

I can't believe I didn't post at all in July?  Crazy.  No real reason other than laziness and lack of time.  I'm SO glad this summer is almost over.  I'm a total advocate of year round schooling!  Summers are torture on parents, especially working ones.  As you can tell I'm excited that school starts 2 weeks from today!

Before school start though, we'll be moving!  I'm sooo excited! We've lived in this house for 2 years.  It was a good fit for our family then, but I'm glad to be moving on.  Our landlord is a jerkface.  He never wants to fix anything.  We've washing dishes by hand for weeks.  I'm DONE.  It got so bad that earlier this week Jason told him to F%&k off.  Ya, no lease renewal after that! LOL!  Derby has a tons of perks, and b/c of those perks it's an expensive place to live.  You can get 3 bedrooms pretty descent, but 4 bedrooms...Agh.  PRICEY!  We bit the bullet and upgraded :O)    Next weekend we will be moving into a 4 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 living area, 2 car garage twin home(aka duplex).  It's WAY newer than the house we have now.  It has a whirlpool tub, I think that's my favorite part.  It's been years since I've been able to enjoy a bath!! Not excited to move, but excited to be moved.

My sweet Harrison is almost potty trained!!  He wears a diaper at night and during nap, but wears undies all day.  He even poops on the potty!  It's bittersweet.  Of course I love that he's potty training, but he's my last one....I think.

Keep Praying!

We went and looked at the house yesterday and we weren't feeling it. We liked it, but we didn't love it.  I wanted to go back today with Josh, Grammie, and my sister to get their input.  Josh ended up not being able to come, but Sister and GG liked.  By the time we left tonight.  I almost love it.  Their is still a lot to work out.  I'm giving it to God and letting him take control.  Please pray that His will be done, and hopefully that means a new house!

Persistance pays off!

Every so often Jason and I will check Craigslist for houses.  We want to upgrade, but we don't want to lose space or pay much more.  As much as I loathe this house, it's big and cheap. Last year we saw a house on CL on my grammie's street 5 bedroom, 3 bath walk out basement, Hard wood floors.  I fell in love.  It was only 7 houses down from Grammie.  Perfection.  I called about it and it was $1200 a month!  Yikes!  So we dropped it.  Well, this summer we saw it again on CL with rent to own or owner carry terms.  Neither of which are appealing at all!  I would prefer to rent it for a year, then purchase it out right next year when Jason graduates(which sucks rates are expected to go up).  Anyway, I decided this year I was not going to let this house get away.  I called the automated number 2x a day for 5 days leaving a message.  When that didn't work I looked up the owner via tax records and sent a letter to their house!!  I told Jason they are going to sell me this house or arrest me for stalking.  Well guess what?  It worked!  Mr. Owner called me today!  We had a nice chat and come to find out he's an agent with the West side Keller Williams(I work at the East side KW!)  The currant tenets are supposed to be out at the end of the month, so he said he'd get back with us about looking at it then.  $1200 is out of our budget, but if they'd be willing to come down on the rent a little, knowing that we'd purchase it in full next summer... It'd be a dream come true...7 houses down from GG... PLEASE PRAY!!

Is blogging dead?

Jason and I were talking the other night and we've pretty much decided that blogging is dead.  Everyone is so connected on Facebook that there really seems so reason to blog.  Most everything is already out there.  I suppose I could give details, but my life really is't all that exciting right now.  Praise Jesus.  Sometimes I'd like to blog to vent, but I don't make the time.  Between work, games, housework, sleep and trying to run there just isn't time for much else.  Not even my beloved blog :O(

A Month???

I can't believe it's been a month,  Wheew, so much to talk about there is no way I'll ever do it all justice, but I'll try.

Mom and Grampy-  Both are doing well.  Grampy's surgery went great and he was home in 4 days.  He's still kinda puny.  Grammie says it's b/c he's a wienie, but he's healing slower than most, even according to his doctor.  He does his nightly walks and and eats pretty normal.  He's just really tired all the time.  Mom's surgery went well too.  Although they had to take 1/2 the lung instead of 1/3.  They are confident they got all the cancer and will be doing chemo to be safe, no radiation.  Mom's Dr. put her in for a clinical trail the hospital is having.  It would be a better chemo and help with the cost.  Which would be awesome financially of course.  Cancer isn't cheap and insurance companies don't always play nice :O( 

Kingston Angelo is here!  He arrived May 19th at 3:32 a.m..   His was was the first birth I was able to be at without being an active participate in and it was AMAZING!  So amazing that it almost makes me want to be an OB nurse.  It was so cool.  I was a little concerned about the fact that babies come a certain way and well, that's my sisters....ya know.  However,  it wasn't weird at all(at least to me!)  I didn't even think about that fact it was a vagina, it was totally just the method that my beautiful nephew came into the world.  It was the greatest thing.  I hope that my daughter and daughter in laws will allow me to me there for my grand children's births.  I think that's the only thing that could top this one.  Kingston is perfect.  While he's not technically my first nephew, I'm not close to my other sister, so he almost feels like the first.  He's such a doll(quite literally, he's TINY!)  I love him so.

Right now Jason's grandma is here visiting.  So far, so good.  I was concerned given that his mother, is her daughter, but ED hasn't really come up much.  Praise Jesus.  Harrison has really taken to her.  They are thicker than thieves!

Wednesday I start running again. It's been to long.  I finally went back to the Dr. and got back on my thyroid meds.  It's amazing what they do for you.. A normal functioning thyroid operates at  level of 12.  Mine was 5.35.  Way low :O(  So, lesson learned.  Don't slack off on the important stuff, even if you don't have insurance!!  I should be able to start losing weight again too!  Whoo-hoo!  energy and weight loss!  Yay me.  I'm excited to get back on track.  I'm going to start training for the 1/2 marathon in October.  It's the same one I did last year with Jason.  Except this I'm gonna do it with my friend Tara and hopefully my sister.  We'll see if I can get her on the running bandwagon.  I hope so!

Better

I'm feeling much better.  My tooth is gone and so is the pain that went with it.  Praise Jesus.  The tooth next to it has a cavity and that has to be fixed, then once they make sure the infection is out they will put in the implant. Not looking forward to screw being drilled into my bone and fake tooth screwed into the screw, however it is better than the gaping hole that is currently in my mouth.

I've been praying about my mom and grampy and I feel better about both situations.  It seems to have been caught early in both of them so that's a blessing.  My mom has even stated that she intends to stop smoking! YAY! What an answered prayer that would be!  I'm going to put it out into the universe!  You get what you give, ya know!  Next we'll work on the drinking....  I think that my moms diagnosis was more of a "when"  not "if" type of deal.  I've fully expected her to get cancer for years.  That or cirrhosis of the liver.  You can't live hard forever and expected no consequences.  My grampy though...that was a shock.  He's been sickly for awhile now and the doctors couldn't figure out why.  Now we know, hopefully he will be able to recover and get back to his crotchety self very soon!

Today was a good day.  Both the big kids stayed the night with friends since I had my tooth pulled yesterday.  So this morning me, Jason and Harri had breakfast at McD's.  Have you had their cinnamon melts? YUM-O!  Then we got Savannah from her friends house and headed out to the soccer game.  Her team won, they are undefeated!!  Then we came home and I took a nap while Harri did.  After that we headed over to the park.  I hung out there for awhile, then went and tanned while Jason and the kids played.  It was SO beautiful out! We went and got some ice cream and headed home to start the fire pit!  We roasted wienies and s'mores.  My sister's boyfriend came over with Ashyra and we introduced him to S'mores!  Can you believe he'd never had them??  Jason, CM, Jonathan, and Jonathan's friend  played football in the back yard and have now headed over to the park to play some b-ball.  It's been a great day. Today, I <3 my life.

What a week...

First, and least important, my tooth.  It's been bothering me since Saturday.  I finally went to the dentist yesterday and they will do the extraction tomorrow afternoon.  I will have to wait about 2 months for the infection to clear up then they will place an implant.  Pray for a smooth and quick healing, I'm supposed to run a race on Saturday!

Second, Cancer.  A couple weeks ago I put on FB that my mom was having a biopsy.  It came back cancerous.  She had a test on Friday to see if it's spread and it has.  She also has 2 small spots in her lymph nodes.  She meets with the surgeon tomorrow for all the details, but as off right now they are planning on removing the bottom 1/3rd of her right lung.  I'm guessing there will be some sort of chemo and radiation too, but I don't have the details.

Last weekend my Grampy had an emergency appendectomy. He went back today for a follow up and to get some test results.  The results:  colon and stomach cancer.  He is having surgery on Tuesday to remove most of his colon and part of his stomach.  The doctor said the appendicitis was blessing b/c with out it they may not have found the cancer in time.  They seem to think they can cut everything out and he will not require chemo and radiation.

I'm ready for this week to be over!  Have I mentioned I HATE April!

I wish you could see me naked!!

Don't be afraid to scroll down, there's no nudie shotsI promise!  About a week and a half ago I started tanning. I did it for several reasons.  My skin was looking uber pasty, and I was hating it.  I've also noticed that women who tan look thinner.  It's an optical illusion I know, but one I wanted to have!  I've been trying really hard lately to be more girly and put more effort into myself. I am worthy and I deserve it!  I tanned 3 days in a row, then began every other day.  I must say I am looking HOT!  My fat hasn't went away(duh!) but I will admit I am LOVING my brown body.  I love looking at my naked body.  I can't wait until I'm thin and tan!  I feel sexier and I've gotten so many compliments.  I've been doing my make-up, straightening my hair and getting out of my fashion comfort zone.  Yesterday I wore leggings, a long sequined tank with a jacket sweater over it, and knee high boots!  I was scared, but it was hit!  I received many compliments :O) So, if you are looking for a way to splurge on yourself to make yourself look and feel better, I vote tanning!  It's also so relaxing!  I love it! Go, do it now!

Facebook Rant

I've been steering clear of Facebook for a week or so now.  I'm not sure if it's me or my "friends", but people and their status updates have been driving me crazy.  I'm SICK to death of the following:

1. Complaining about stuff that you KNEW about when you made the decision.  For example.  I moved to Kansas knowing that the weather changes on a dime AND we get tornadoes.  Therefore I DO NOT complain about the weather every time it changes or whine about being scared every time the sirens go off.  It's part of living in my state.  I know this and don't post about it on Facebook 4x per week.

2. Woman who think they are the first pregnant woman EVER.  Do not ask a question about pregnancy, get 34 comments from 34 woman WHO HAVE BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE, then proceed to basically say they know nothing because Baby Center said.....

3.  Husband bashing posts OR my husband is the greatest posts.  Yes, we all have good husbands and like to brag about them, OCCASIONALLY.  However if you are posting 3x a day about how great your man is, I'm led to believe that you are trying to convince yourself that he's great, not that he really is.  On the flip side, if your husband is truly the biggest piece of shit you know, then LEAVE HIM!  He won't change just b/c he reads your Facebook status and has an awakening.

4.  The AF wife who speaks endlessly of her husbands 4 month long deployment.  It's nothing compared to the Army wife who is without her husband for 18 months.  Not to mention they don't get to skype everyday like you do.  You see he is really fighting the war, gun in hand and all.  He's not in an air conditioned office defending our country, he's on the front lines.

5. People complaining NON stop about their shitty lives.  We all have bad days, but when your bad days turn into bad weeks and bad weeks into months.  I have these 2 options for you: 1. Get antidepressants  2. Stop putting your shit on Facebook.  Especially when your friends try to point out the bright spots in your life and you do nothing but verbally vomit negativity back. Then go lay in bed and cry, that's fine, just get your ass off Facebook.

6. Weather updates every 15 minutes.  If I wanted the weather updates I would have "liked" the weather channel damnit!

I hate April

 I hate this month more than anything. I feel like every April a scab it ripped off, and there it is again,  a bleeding, gaping open wound.  Once May comes it starts to heal up, slowly.  I have 11 months of healing.  Then it starts all over again.  Everyone used to think it was so neat that I am so good at remembering dates.  Trust me, it's curse this time of year.  This next week is going to be hard.  So hard,  My stomach is knots just thinking about making it through. Today sucks, but Tuesday, Tuesday will be the roughest.  If you are of the praying kind, please pray for me on these days.  I hate that I remember these days, when I know that they don't.  They have NO clue. NONE.  In some ways I think that's good, but it some ways I don't.  I hope that they have days that when they look at the calender their heart is ripped out.  It's not Christian, I know.... I'm working on that.  Sometimes I wish I could cry, but I'm past the crying phase.  I don't have any more tears left.  The only time they fall is out of frustration. Frustration that I didn't know sooner, that I didn't stop it (let's be real here, not that I could have), frustration that it hasn't turned out the way I want (although it is as good as it could be, I suppose). Frustration about the aspects of my life that it effects or will effect.  Aspects that were never thought about at that time.  Aspects that effect so many more people than the people that started the whole debacle.  Sometimes I hate them all.  Sometimes.  When I get into that mindset I try really hard to remember the good that has come of it.  I'll be honest though.  Sometimes when I put them side by side, the good doesn't always out weigh the bad.  Sometimes, I'd turn in all that good to go back and change it. Am I horrible for saying that?  I don't think so, and what I think is all that really matters.  I stopped caring about what people think about this situation a long time ago.  If I didn't I'd have gone crazy.  Everybody has an opioion, everybody thinks they know what'd they do.  You don't.  I promise.  And I pray you never have to find out.  My God is big and awesome.  I know this.  I know he is all knowing.  I wish that I knew why things happen.  In Church the sermon series as been about agony and how God uses it to make us more like him.  How we can't fully minister to others unless we've suffered.  It's very true.  You draw closer to God, when things are the worst.  You draw from His strength when you have none of your own.  During that April and May I was the closet to The Lord.  Closer than I've ever been.

I stopped this blog, and now I've lost my momentum. I'm still gonna publish it, but it seems to stop rather than end.  I may come back in a few days.  We'll see how I feel.  For now though, it felt good to get this off my chest.  Later...

My future daughter in law

I sO want her to marry my Jonathan.  She's the bestest. I've told them both my future intentions for them.  Neither of them have refused to be married or even said "Ewwww".  I find that promising.  

They even let me take their picture together.

Jenna and Jonathan

So Busy
So Tired
So Much to tell

A blog from Highway 71

I feel like I constantly waiver between nothing to talk about and so much that I forget something. First, remember a couple of posts ago when I was whining about not getting a raise?  And how I love my job and I love my boss?  Here's why, let me tell you a story.

We have been waiting on our tax return which has been delayed at the IRS due to circumstances beyond my control.  We were hoping to have it in time to buy a van before we left for vacation to Alabama.  Well, because we are the Hallock's it did not arrive.  So we decided to try and get a loan to buy the van.  We didn't really want to get a loan, we want to pay cash, but we also didn't want to drive 12+ hours in a Kia Spectra with 3 children.  On Thursday when our tax return did not come, we decided to go to the bank.  We bank at USAA and do not have a local bank so I made an appointment with the SVP that our office does business with and that I have worked with in the past.  I took him everything that I thought he could possibly need, explained the situation and prayed for a miracle.  That afternoon back at work Josh(my boss) calls me.  He asked if I got my tax money, and I said no.  Guess what happened next?  HE OFFERED TO LOAN ME THE MONEY FOR THE VAN!  That's right here's $5700, no hesitation in his voice at all.  That's why I love my boss and my job.  Not many boss's would offer to do that.  It totally made me feel like a dirt bag for being so ugly to him all week b/c I was cranky about the lack of a raise.  I do deserve a raise, however I have so many perks that are not measurable.  Him offering that solidified to me that I am in the right place.  Thankfully, I didn't have to take him up on it.  The bank approved our loan and we got the van!! Now I can't wait to get my tax return so I can pay it off!!

Technology is a beautiful!  Ya'll know I upgraded to the iphone, which is fantastic in itself.  Now I've turned on the  personal hotspot function so the kids get use it for internet while we are on the road. Which means we also have net for the ipad and laptop.  So Jonathan is on his itouch watching a netflix movie and I'm on the laptop blogging while driving down the road!  I LOVE IT!  Poor Jason he's a little jealous, but daddy's are drivers.  Hehehehe!  We had planned on staying in Memphis tonight, but I was totally thrown off by the cost of Graceland!  $70 to see all the sites, and $30 for the half-assed don't get to see everything ticket.  Well, I had not planned on $280 to see the king, that's craziness! So, we  are skipping Memphis and going straight on to Birmingham!  Whoo-hoo!

I am SO uber cranky.  Not sure why.  Everything is OK.  Nothing is great, but nothing is horrible.  It's just blah.  I hate feeling like this.  I am the little ray of sunshine most of the most. I'm the one telling others that everything will be OK, pepping people up... I feel like a fraud.  Why can't I believe that stuff for me right now?  I'm hoping that some sun, exercise and vacation will turn me back into the Angel we all now and love!!

Funky

Funky, Funky, Funky.  That's me.  I think it's a combo of the weather and no running(b/c of the weather!)  I'm over it.  I NEED spring. I CRAVE the warm breeze.  I'm so over the cold.  It's supposed to get down to 29 degrees tonight!  That's ridiculous!  It's too freaking cold.

I called the IRS tonight and they are still processing our return.  Buttholes.  They did it in 6 weeks last year.  Of course it can't be that easy this year.  Less than 2 weeks until we head to Alabama!  SO excited about that one.  Work is still ehhhh.  I've been told a raise is coming, I have yet to actually see the money though!

Goals Update

Back in January I made a goals for the year.  Part of being accountable is letting people know where I am in my goals.  So here it goes....


Family/Life-   
      1.  Spend more quality time with my family.  We are always "together", but not enjoying each other's company. I want us to grow closer and learn to depend on each other more.  Both the big kids are getting to the point where their friends and being away from home is becoming more important to them.  I want to reiterate that family is #1, that your sister, mom, dad, brother, cousin comes before your friends.  No matter what, end of story.  To do this we are going to have family game night once per week.  Each week 1 person will get to choose dinner and the game and we'll spend 2-3 hours with NO electronics.  No itouches, no ipads, no phones, no computers, no TV. Nothing.  Not even background music.  I want to encourage conversation and interaction.
We did this for a few weeks, but we've gotten out of the habit.  Hoping to get back on track this weekend!
      2. Read 1 self-improvement book per month.  I'm currently reading, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership.  So far it's great.  I know I'm a good person, I want to be a GREAT person and reading books from other great people will help me to become the person I want to be.
I'm still reading the 21 laws...I have 4 laws left!  So I'm behind...However I'm still reading :O)
       3. I want to spend more quality time with my husband. In the day to day life of raising a family, working and school, it's easy to lose track of each other.  Our relationship is the strongest it's ever been, it can always get stronger though.  I want to go out at least once per month, just us.  I want to do stuff that will allow us to interact with each other, not just sit in a movie theater.
This one is a work in progress.  We haven't done anything outside the box.  I think this weekend we are going to go to dinner with a friend from work and her husband, that'll be different b/c we don't have any couple friends!


Business/Work- 
    1. I will put forth more effort in my daily work.  I'm lazy about entering notes into our lead management system.  I will make this a habit as well as staying on top of my mailings.  I will utilize the phone more than e-mail to contact our clients.  This will make their experience with us more personal.
I'm doing very good at this!  I'm a note entering fool now!  
     2. To focus on building relationships with those that drive me the most crazy in the office.  To try to understand things from their point of view and to not let the little things get to me.
Stil working on this...she still drives me insane!


Spiritual-
    1. To find and become involved in a Church.  It's been almost 4 years since we left Meadowridge.  That was our Church in Texas that we were very involved in.  We have went to some here and there but nothing that stuck.  Having a Church family, receiving the Word every week, and being accountable for my behavior is so important with my walk with the Lord.  I will pray more, read the Word more and be more aware of my actions.  Drawing closer to God will make me a better wife, mother, friend and person in general.  Not to mention I miss Him.  I miss being close to Him.  We all know it wasn't Him that moved....
We went to Church every Sunday in January looking for a Church we liked, we didn't find one.  We haven't been back anywhere.  I'm going to make this a priority again.
    2. To do a bible study that has me in the word daily.  I'm not sure what that will be yet, I still have to find one.  I want something that's going to help me grow as a child of God, and get me more involved in my Bible.
Haven't started a bible study.  To honest, I haven't looked for one.  I have several around the house.  I think I will start there.
Health-(This is my easiest one!)
    1. Run More-  I have 3 very specific running goals for 2011.  If you haven't already read them you can check them out here.
Doing OK here.  It's hard to run when it's so cold out and with Jason's night classes it's been hit or miss.  I average at least 2 days a week most weeks.  That's not enough though.  I need to do more.
     2. I want to lose at least 29 more pounds.  I will do this by running, working out and weights.  I would like to work out 4-6 days per week.
I've lost a little (3 pounds!) still FAR off from that 29.  I haven't been trying.  I want to lose at least 6 more before alabama, hopefully 11, so I'm working hard now!

Financial-
     1. To have at least $1,000 in savings by the end of 2011.  It's not a lot, however with our tight budget, this will be a challenge.  I'm tired of not having a savings account.  We live on a wing and a prayer ALOT.  
I'm over half way there right now! Whoo-hoo!  However it's vacation money.  So it will be deleted by this time next month!  
     2. Improve our credit.  I'm not looking to buy anything big on credit.  I just want to build credit for when we decide to.  We only have $1,000 in credit card debt, it's to much for me though!  I want to get that paid off and use it only for our monthly subscription to nexflix.  That way we can pay it off every month.
I don't know if our credit is improved or not.  I haven't checked.  We have the credit cards paid down(not off) right now.
     3. Buy a 2nd car.  I was hoping this would be a newer mini-van.  With the slap in face the VA gave us, that's not going to happen :O(  However, we are still looking forward to purchasing a 2nd vehicle cash with our tax return.  As long as it looks descent and runs, I'll be happy.  No payments is good :O)
Still looking forward to this one!  We should get our tax return in the next couple of weeks, so I'm looking forward to buying a van.  I can't wait for the leg room!




So where are you goals in your goals??

Wait for your cheeseburger

Dear Sister,

I know that right now you are sad, lonely, pregnant, emotional, and in desperate need of a strong pair of arms around you.  Couple all of this with an incredible lack of sleep and a constant foot on your bladder and no one blames you for your actions :O)  However, no matter how sad or lonely you get, you should never settle. Settling for less than you deserve, less than you are worth is asking for trouble. Life is hard enough with someone you love and want to be with forever.  Throw in "settling" and it makes it unbearable.  You have the arms around you at night, but you still have the emptiness.  It's like eating a salad when you really want a cheeseburger.  Technically the salad is food and it's in your belly, so you should be full, but it doesn't satisfy you.  With every bite, you just think more and more about that cheeseburger.  You see cheeseburgers everywhere, your salad becomes even more tasteless and bland. It's not filling you up.  Your hunger for the cheeseburger actually deepens while you're eating the salad.  The salad makes you sad, you know it will never satisfy like the cheeseburger.  So wait.  Wait for the cheeseburger, don't settle for the salad.  Don't subject the girls to a salad, they deserve a cheeseburger too.  We all do.  I don't know why every one's cheeseburgers come at different points in their lives.  That's a God question, all I know is you're hungry for a cheeseburger, so don't settle for a salad.

Love,
Big Sister

Frustrated

I'm super frustrated at work.  In April I will have been there 2 years and I'm still at the same hourly wage.  I've had bonuses, but no pay increase.  I talked to my boss about it a couple of weeks ago and pretty much got no where.  He said he looked at the bonuses as a raise, b/c they were more than he would have given me if he'd given me an hourly raise.  I told him I thought the bonuses were performance bonuses and didn't realize they were meant to be in lieu of a raise.  In addition to all this, he expects SO much of me.  Which honestly I'm OK with, it makes me a better person.  However, while I'm the highest paid staff member, I only make more than the 2nd highest by .25 per hour.  My boss doesn't expect near as much from that person as he does from me.  In fact, he's looking to replace that person.  This week he was out of town Sat-Wed, I busted my ass to keep stuff off his plate to keep everything rolling smoothly, and we were busy!!  I took on tasks that I normally don't do so he wouldn't have to work remotely.  To me, that's the above and beyond that deserves to make more than .25 more an hour than a part time collage kid.  Add that to the fact there are NO benefits, and I'm nearing my wits end.

What keeps me around you ask?  I LOVE MY JOB!  95% of the time that is :O)  I love what I do, I love the people I work with, I even love my boss most of the time.   I hated my job at Countrywide.  So would much rather make less at a job I love, however a yearly cost of living raise would be nice!!

Anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE orange.  For Valentines's day this year Jason bought me an orange sapphire ring.  I LOVE it.  It is SO me!  I have actually started wearing it on my left hand in lieu of my wedding set.  It's exactly the kind of engagement ring I would want if he were to propose again.

It's extra special b/c it was unexpected.  We don't normally do gifts on Valentine's day and I had nothing for him :O(  Jason has become an awesome gift giver over the years.  He's come a LONG way from our first Christmas together, and my gift of a lady razor...LOL!

Hmmmmm

I feel like blogging, but I'm not sure what to say, so I shall just begin and see where my rambling take me!  Today was almost 80 degrees!  It was so beautiful out.  I was out a little bit running errands for work.  It was great.  I wasn't able to run, but I did walk with the kids to McDonald's.  They both did awesome at their parent teacher conference.  They are doing very well.  Jonathan more than likely will be placed in advanced math next year.  Savannah is reading at almost a 6th grade level!!  Although she may like to reading to much, b/c she rushes through her work, so she can get back to reading.    They are both lil' talkers, but that's not surprising considering who their mother is!!

We received an e-mail stating our Taylor tickets have been printed!! Whoo-hoo! I can't wait to get them in the mail :O) I need to book our room for our night in KC too, but I just haven't had time.

Today Jonathan was playing football at the field with a bunch of other boys.  They had all put their stuff on the side lines while they played. Some punk or punks thought that it would be a great idea to STEAL the phones of a bunch of boys!  3-4 boys had their phones stolen.  Can you believe that?  Jerk off kids.... I called Verizon and since we have insurance it will only be $39 to replace it.  Jonathan has had his phone almost 2 years and never lost it, broke it, nothing.  While I was on the phone with the rep suspending his service, I was almost able to get my iphone!  Their was something wrong with their ordering system, so she's going to call me back on Tuesday :O)  Technically my upgrade isn't available until March 3rd, but she was gonna work some magic for me! We'll see how it goes!

On our way to Alabama we have decided to stop in Memphis!  That should be fun.  Both the kids love music and will be excited to go to Graceland.  It'll be a fun little side trip on our way to the Wood's place.  We've been shopping around for vans.  It looks like we'll be able to get a good used van with our tax return!  I just hope it comes in time.  I do not want to drive to Alabama in our little car.  I will if I have to, but I really don't want to!!

So much....

So much to blog about this time around!  I hope I can get it all in.  Sometimes I wish I could speak my blogs, they'd be much more lengthy!

First, VA.  On Tuesday we got a wonderful surprise deposit into our checking account.  After some checking, it was a GI Bill kicker that VA owed us but never paid.  So they back paid for the 19 months Jason has been in school.  Which paid themselves off AND gave us a little extra unexpected money :O)  Whoo-hoo!  That unexpected money allowed me to buy......

TAYLOR SWIFT tickets!  Double Whoo-hoo!  She'll be in KC on Sept. 24th.  We got pretty descent seats too!  I'm so excited.  We will be taking the big kids and making a weekend of it.  We are hoping for a Chiefs game the next day, but I doubt that will happen since Taylor will be playing at Arrowhead the night before.  We can hope though.

Last night I received my first Pay it Forward.  Savannah and I went to see the JB movie.  We walked up to the ticket cage, asked for 2 tickets and the guy asked if I'd like frees tickets. Um, sure!!  So he pointed to a man standing off to the side, next to a video machine.  Savannah and I cautiously walked up to him...  He explained he has a special needs daughter and he had bought the tickets to see the movie with her.  She changed her mind and decided she didn't want to see it, but he didn't want the tickets to go to waste.  As along as I agreed to to Pay it Forward and do something for someone kind he'd like for us to have them. Talk about a WOW moment.  I teared up, asked him if he was sure.  I'd gladly pay him.  He refused, smiled, handed us our tickets and walked away.  I tried to burn his image into my brain. Derby is such a small town, surely I'll run into him in the future, but except for a carhart jacket, I don't really remember...  It was an awesomely, humbling experience.  I can't wait to Pay it Forward!!

The JB movie was great.  I'll be honest and say I never really gave the kid a second thought.  I skip his songs when they happened to come up on the ipod and indulge Savannah's crush.  After seeing the movie, I have a lot of respect for him.  He has worked heart to get where he is, and he is very humble about it.  The girls in the movie were WILD!  Screaming, singing, dancing...it was like being at the concert!  I'll admit I wasn't excited to go to the movie, I did it for Savannah as part of our mother/daughter night. I ended up having a good time and gaining new respect for a young artist.

Today my parents and little sister came down to do our very late family Christmas.  It was a good time.  I wish we lived closer to my nieces and nephews.  They are sweeties!! I'll post some pics soon.  I've been really bad on the picture posting lately.  I guess cause I know ya'll see them on FB.

Crazy, but I love it!

Tonight I have NINE children in my house(10 if you count the 1 I married!)  Jonathan loves to have friends over, and for now, they love to be here.  That makes me happy.  Jonathan has 3 friends that are at our house almost every weekend, and if they are not here, he's at their house.  I love that.  I prefer they be here. That way I can monitor what's going on and get to know his friends better.  Occasionally they get loud, but for the most part they are all good boys.  I think they like the little bachelor pad that Jonathan has set up in the back.  Savannah gets upset b/c she doesn't have friends over as often.  I tried to explain to her that Jonathan didn't have friends over like this when he was in the 3rd grade, but that normally doesn't make her feel better.

Tonight Jonathan has 4 friends over and Savannah has 2, that's 8 children total!!  So far, so good.  The boys are in the back and I haven't heard them(yet) and the girls are in the living room watching 'Adventures in Babysitting'.  We'll see how the night goes...


ADDED LATER:
Well, one of the boys is getting ready to leave in tears b/c Jonathan was being a jackass.   One of the Core Four.  A boy I like alot.  There are 2 "new" boys here tonight.  I don't know if that has something to do with the friction, but either way Jonathan has just proved he's not ready to have 4 friends over.  As I type this, he's calling his mom to not come get him. I'm glad he's staying.  If we have another meltdown like that, they are all going home...  Amazing that the girls are getting along fine, and boys are having the catfights :O(

Sometimes I feel as if we have bad luck that will never end. We are not those people that good things just happen to.  We have to fight tooth and nail for every bit of good that happens.  I'm pretty tired of it.  Long story short, we got a letter last week that jepordizes our tax return.  Big Surprise right?  We should known that something would come up and we wouldn't be able to get a 2nd vehicle.  That would be to easy and nothing has been easy for us in years!

We don't know yet how this will all play out.  We may still end up with our return, or we may not.  Who knows.  I'm doing my very best to not stress and to give it to God.  I won't lie it's HARD.  I'm tired of something always messing crap up!

So you want an update...

Let's see what I can ramble about...

Jason's new semester started yesterday.  AGH.  It's gonna be rough.  He has class M-Th in the evenings.  I have been going to the gym at night, so now I have to change up my workout schedule.  Which means...videos at home!  Should be....FUN...right? Ya, fun.

For Christmas, my AWESOME sister gave Jason and I a GC to local spa for massages.  So we are going on Saturday.  Jason is getting a regular massage and I'm going a deep pressure massage.  SO excited about this!!

I have an appt next Thursday at a dermatologist to get my tattoos looked at.  I want to see about getting them removed.  They are dumb and I hate them.  When I get to my goal weight(23.8 pounds!) I want to get an orange lily on my back, and I want these 2 stupid ones gone!  Since they are at home ones, they shouldn't be hard to remove. I guess we'll see!

Savannah won her class spelling bee, and is moving on to the school spelling be to represent for the 3rd grade!  I'm so proud of that girl!

I found out last week that my sister is having a BOY!  I can't wait to give that baby some Auntie love.  I think being an Aunt is second only to being a grandma(I hope!)  So excited to snuggle baby Nate!

Only 2 months until we head to Alabama(with a stop in MO.)  I'm SO excited!  It's looking like we'll get a descent tax return, so we should be cruising in our new to us mini van.  Pray, pray, pray for that!!!

Anything I'm missing?  Anything your inquiring minds want to know?

Cleaning out the closets

I have decided to clean out my closets.  Anything that is size 16 or higher and size XXL is gone.  Some of it still fits, but I'm not keeping it!  14's and L/XL fit so why keep all that other stuff?  I'm still at 43-44 pounds lost.  I was hoping to be at 50 by the 18th of January. That's my 1 year mark.  I'm still going to try and get there, however I've been SO bad lately.  Cheatin, cheatin, cheatin, I've been eating like crazy!  I need to get back on the wagon.  I still have 25 pounds to lose!

My Goals

I'm so glad to see every one's goals on their blogs!  Great job Teresa and Shannon.  You're my favorites :O)

Here are mine:


Family/Life-   
      1.  Spend more quality time with my family.  We are always "together", but not enjoying each other's company. I want us to grow closer and learn to depend on each other more.  Both the big kids are getting to the point where their friends and being away from home is becoming more important to them.  I want to reiterate that family is #1, that your sister, mom, dad, brother, cousin comes before your friends.  No matter what, end of story.  To do this we are going to have family game night once per week.  Each week 1 person will get to choose dinner and the game and we'll spend 2-3 hours with NO electronics.  No itouches, no ipads, no phones, no computers, no TV. Nothing.  Not even background music.  I want to encourage conversation and interaction.
      2. Read 1 self-improvement book per month.  I'm currently reading, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership.  So far it's great.  I know I'm a good person, I want to be a GREAT person and reading books from other great people will help me to become the person I want to be.
       3. I want to spend more quality time with my husband. In the day to day life of raising a family, working and school, it's easy to lose track of each other.  Our relationship is the strongest it's ever been, it can always get stronger though.  I want to go out at least once per month, just us.  I want to do stuff that will allow us to interact with each other, not just sit in a movie theater.


Business/Work- 
    1. I will put forth more effort in my daily work.  I'm lazy about entering notes into our lead management system.  I will make this a habit as well as staying on top of my mailings.  I will utilize the phone more than e-mail to contact our clients.  This will make their experience with us more personal.
     2. To focus on building relationships with those that drive me the most crazy in the office.  To try to understand things from their point of view and to not let the little things get to me.


Spiritual-
    1. To find and become involved in a Church.  It's been almost 4 years since we left Meadowridge.  That was our Church in Texas that we were very involved in.  We have went to some here and there but nothing that stuck.  Having a Church family, receiving the Word every week, and being accountable for my behavior is so important with my walk with the Lord.  I will pray more, read the Word more and be more aware of my actions.  Drawing closer to God will make me a better wife, mother, friend and person in general.  Not to mention I miss Him.  I miss being close to Him.  We all know it wasn't Him that moved....
    2. To do a bible study that has me in the word daily.  I'm not sure what that will be yet, I still have to find one.  I want something that's going to help me grow as a child of God, and get me more involved in my Bible.


Health-(This is my easiest one!)
    1. Run More-  I have 3 very specific running goals for 2011.  If you haven't already read them you can check them out here.
     2. I want to lose at least 29 more pounds.  I will do this by running, working out and weights.  I would like to work out 4-6 days per week.
Financial-
     1. To have at least $1,000 in savings by the end of 2011.  It's not a lot, however with our tight budget, this will be a challenge.  I'm tired of not having a savings account.  We live on a wing and a prayer ALOT.  
     2. Improve our credit.  I'm not looking to buy anything big on credit.  I just want to build credit for when we decide to.  We only have $1,000 in credit card debt, it's to much for me though!  I want to get that paid off and use it only for our monthly subscription to nexflix.  That way we can pay it off every month.
     3. Buy a 2nd car.  I was hoping this would be a newer mini-van.  With the slap in face the VA gave us, that's not going to happen :O(  However, we are still looking forward to purchasing a 2nd vehicle cash with our tax return.  As long as it looks descent and runs, I'll be happy.  No payments is good :O)


There you go!  It's all out there for you to help hold me accountable.  Be sure to ask me how it's going.  That's how I'll know that you care :O)

Coastin'

This week I realized I was just coastin' through life. Coastin' isn't bad, however in my opinion it isn't good either.  Coastin' is comfortable.  Coastin' is easy.  When you coast no one expects anything of you.  You know what else happens?  You just coast.  You don't go anywhere.  No upward movement is happening in your life when you coast.  When you coast you are not moving towards anything, you are not working towards anything, you are not going anywhere.  You're just coastin'!  I don't want to coast any more.


I want to move on to bigger and better things.  I want to make myself, my life, my marriage, my job, my friends, my children, my relationships better.  Of course everybody WANTS that, if you ask people what they are doing to make it happen 9/10 will give you a blank stare and studder something unintelligible.  Why?  Because they're coastin'!  They are are not actively pursuing their dreams, goals, and desires.  They expect for all the things they want to just appear.  We all know they won't, I know, you know, THEY know...  It's easier that way.  If you don't try, you can't fail.


I'm tired of living in fear of failure.  Failure isn't bad.  Failure is a learning experience.  If you've failed at least you've tried.  The majority is to scared to even try because they don't want to fail.  They'd rather coast.  
2011 is the year I end the coastin'!  I have been educated and have found that there are 5 major areas that everyone who is not coastin' should have goals in.  They are:


Business/Work
Family/Life
Spiritual
Health
Financial


Do you have at least 1 goal in each of those categories?  I don't.  Take financial for instance.  I want more money, I don't have a plan for more money.  That's coastin'.   I'm going to post my goals in each of those categories for all of you to see.  Why? Several reasons.  Accountability is the biggest.  If you don't put your plans, goals, dreams, desires out there you have no one to cheer for you, no one to tell you when you're getting off track, and no one to pick you up when you fall down(b/c I will, everyone does). Secondly, I love all of you who read these blog, and I want you to get goals.  I want you to stop coastin' and move on up in the world.  I know none of you are where you want to be, none of you are at the peak of your life.  We can all stand to improve and I want to improve with you.  I will be posting my goals over the next few days and I would LOVE it if ya'll post yours too.  Accountability.  It's what makes the world go 'round.