Better

I'm feeling much better.  My tooth is gone and so is the pain that went with it.  Praise Jesus.  The tooth next to it has a cavity and that has to be fixed, then once they make sure the infection is out they will put in the implant. Not looking forward to screw being drilled into my bone and fake tooth screwed into the screw, however it is better than the gaping hole that is currently in my mouth.

I've been praying about my mom and grampy and I feel better about both situations.  It seems to have been caught early in both of them so that's a blessing.  My mom has even stated that she intends to stop smoking! YAY! What an answered prayer that would be!  I'm going to put it out into the universe!  You get what you give, ya know!  Next we'll work on the drinking....  I think that my moms diagnosis was more of a "when"  not "if" type of deal.  I've fully expected her to get cancer for years.  That or cirrhosis of the liver.  You can't live hard forever and expected no consequences.  My grampy though...that was a shock.  He's been sickly for awhile now and the doctors couldn't figure out why.  Now we know, hopefully he will be able to recover and get back to his crotchety self very soon!

Today was a good day.  Both the big kids stayed the night with friends since I had my tooth pulled yesterday.  So this morning me, Jason and Harri had breakfast at McD's.  Have you had their cinnamon melts? YUM-O!  Then we got Savannah from her friends house and headed out to the soccer game.  Her team won, they are undefeated!!  Then we came home and I took a nap while Harri did.  After that we headed over to the park.  I hung out there for awhile, then went and tanned while Jason and the kids played.  It was SO beautiful out! We went and got some ice cream and headed home to start the fire pit!  We roasted wienies and s'mores.  My sister's boyfriend came over with Ashyra and we introduced him to S'mores!  Can you believe he'd never had them??  Jason, CM, Jonathan, and Jonathan's friend  played football in the back yard and have now headed over to the park to play some b-ball.  It's been a great day. Today, I <3 my life.

What a week...

First, and least important, my tooth.  It's been bothering me since Saturday.  I finally went to the dentist yesterday and they will do the extraction tomorrow afternoon.  I will have to wait about 2 months for the infection to clear up then they will place an implant.  Pray for a smooth and quick healing, I'm supposed to run a race on Saturday!

Second, Cancer.  A couple weeks ago I put on FB that my mom was having a biopsy.  It came back cancerous.  She had a test on Friday to see if it's spread and it has.  She also has 2 small spots in her lymph nodes.  She meets with the surgeon tomorrow for all the details, but as off right now they are planning on removing the bottom 1/3rd of her right lung.  I'm guessing there will be some sort of chemo and radiation too, but I don't have the details.

Last weekend my Grampy had an emergency appendectomy. He went back today for a follow up and to get some test results.  The results:  colon and stomach cancer.  He is having surgery on Tuesday to remove most of his colon and part of his stomach.  The doctor said the appendicitis was blessing b/c with out it they may not have found the cancer in time.  They seem to think they can cut everything out and he will not require chemo and radiation.

I'm ready for this week to be over!  Have I mentioned I HATE April!

I wish you could see me naked!!

Don't be afraid to scroll down, there's no nudie shotsI promise!  About a week and a half ago I started tanning. I did it for several reasons.  My skin was looking uber pasty, and I was hating it.  I've also noticed that women who tan look thinner.  It's an optical illusion I know, but one I wanted to have!  I've been trying really hard lately to be more girly and put more effort into myself. I am worthy and I deserve it!  I tanned 3 days in a row, then began every other day.  I must say I am looking HOT!  My fat hasn't went away(duh!) but I will admit I am LOVING my brown body.  I love looking at my naked body.  I can't wait until I'm thin and tan!  I feel sexier and I've gotten so many compliments.  I've been doing my make-up, straightening my hair and getting out of my fashion comfort zone.  Yesterday I wore leggings, a long sequined tank with a jacket sweater over it, and knee high boots!  I was scared, but it was hit!  I received many compliments :O) So, if you are looking for a way to splurge on yourself to make yourself look and feel better, I vote tanning!  It's also so relaxing!  I love it! Go, do it now!

Facebook Rant

I've been steering clear of Facebook for a week or so now.  I'm not sure if it's me or my "friends", but people and their status updates have been driving me crazy.  I'm SICK to death of the following:

1. Complaining about stuff that you KNEW about when you made the decision.  For example.  I moved to Kansas knowing that the weather changes on a dime AND we get tornadoes.  Therefore I DO NOT complain about the weather every time it changes or whine about being scared every time the sirens go off.  It's part of living in my state.  I know this and don't post about it on Facebook 4x per week.

2. Woman who think they are the first pregnant woman EVER.  Do not ask a question about pregnancy, get 34 comments from 34 woman WHO HAVE BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE, then proceed to basically say they know nothing because Baby Center said.....

3.  Husband bashing posts OR my husband is the greatest posts.  Yes, we all have good husbands and like to brag about them, OCCASIONALLY.  However if you are posting 3x a day about how great your man is, I'm led to believe that you are trying to convince yourself that he's great, not that he really is.  On the flip side, if your husband is truly the biggest piece of shit you know, then LEAVE HIM!  He won't change just b/c he reads your Facebook status and has an awakening.

4.  The AF wife who speaks endlessly of her husbands 4 month long deployment.  It's nothing compared to the Army wife who is without her husband for 18 months.  Not to mention they don't get to skype everyday like you do.  You see he is really fighting the war, gun in hand and all.  He's not in an air conditioned office defending our country, he's on the front lines.

5. People complaining NON stop about their shitty lives.  We all have bad days, but when your bad days turn into bad weeks and bad weeks into months.  I have these 2 options for you: 1. Get antidepressants  2. Stop putting your shit on Facebook.  Especially when your friends try to point out the bright spots in your life and you do nothing but verbally vomit negativity back. Then go lay in bed and cry, that's fine, just get your ass off Facebook.

6. Weather updates every 15 minutes.  If I wanted the weather updates I would have "liked" the weather channel damnit!

I hate April

 I hate this month more than anything. I feel like every April a scab it ripped off, and there it is again,  a bleeding, gaping open wound.  Once May comes it starts to heal up, slowly.  I have 11 months of healing.  Then it starts all over again.  Everyone used to think it was so neat that I am so good at remembering dates.  Trust me, it's curse this time of year.  This next week is going to be hard.  So hard,  My stomach is knots just thinking about making it through. Today sucks, but Tuesday, Tuesday will be the roughest.  If you are of the praying kind, please pray for me on these days.  I hate that I remember these days, when I know that they don't.  They have NO clue. NONE.  In some ways I think that's good, but it some ways I don't.  I hope that they have days that when they look at the calender their heart is ripped out.  It's not Christian, I know.... I'm working on that.  Sometimes I wish I could cry, but I'm past the crying phase.  I don't have any more tears left.  The only time they fall is out of frustration. Frustration that I didn't know sooner, that I didn't stop it (let's be real here, not that I could have), frustration that it hasn't turned out the way I want (although it is as good as it could be, I suppose). Frustration about the aspects of my life that it effects or will effect.  Aspects that were never thought about at that time.  Aspects that effect so many more people than the people that started the whole debacle.  Sometimes I hate them all.  Sometimes.  When I get into that mindset I try really hard to remember the good that has come of it.  I'll be honest though.  Sometimes when I put them side by side, the good doesn't always out weigh the bad.  Sometimes, I'd turn in all that good to go back and change it. Am I horrible for saying that?  I don't think so, and what I think is all that really matters.  I stopped caring about what people think about this situation a long time ago.  If I didn't I'd have gone crazy.  Everybody has an opioion, everybody thinks they know what'd they do.  You don't.  I promise.  And I pray you never have to find out.  My God is big and awesome.  I know this.  I know he is all knowing.  I wish that I knew why things happen.  In Church the sermon series as been about agony and how God uses it to make us more like him.  How we can't fully minister to others unless we've suffered.  It's very true.  You draw closer to God, when things are the worst.  You draw from His strength when you have none of your own.  During that April and May I was the closet to The Lord.  Closer than I've ever been.

I stopped this blog, and now I've lost my momentum. I'm still gonna publish it, but it seems to stop rather than end.  I may come back in a few days.  We'll see how I feel.  For now though, it felt good to get this off my chest.  Later...

My future daughter in law

I sO want her to marry my Jonathan.  She's the bestest. I've told them both my future intentions for them.  Neither of them have refused to be married or even said "Ewwww".  I find that promising.  

They even let me take their picture together.

Jenna and Jonathan

So Busy
So Tired
So Much to tell