Not much new,

Thought I should update though. I feel better. I had some stuff to get off my chest at work and once I did I instantly felt better. I have never been one to keep feelings inside. If I'm upset, mad, happy, ect, I'll tell you. Holding feelings in just breeds contempt and makes the person holding in the feelings miserable, while the other person has no clue!! Anyway, I had an awesome weekend. My mom, step-dad and nieces and nephews came to visit. I had never seen Zachary before, he's so little and sweet! It was fun to snuggle baby again. I put all the pics up on FB. A few even came out really good! There are a few of my sister that are amazing! I think I'm finally going to try and figure out my camera. It's silly to have a $600 camera and to use it as a point and shoot. I need to learn all the settings and stuff. I know I could do so much with it, if I just learn!

hmph..

I'm bitchy, cranky, totally blah. No reason. All is well. Kids are back in school. Jason is back in school. I'm working. Nothing has changed. I'm just BLAH. I think the blah-ness is contributing to lack of running desire, or maybe the lack of running is contributing to the blah-ness. To be honest I'm not sure which it is. All I know is I have an overall blah-ness for life. Work, home, everything in between. Blah, blah, blah blah. I don't feel like doing anything. Running, fixing dinner, doing laundry, snuggling with my children, kissing my husband, nothing. I just want to sit and be blah. Let's be honest. It's depression. At least that's what it sounds like. It will go away soon. It always does. Those few weeks that it lasts though....blah, blah, blah...

Tired and Happy

What a weekend! I am soooo very tired, but so happy we went. We left Derby at 7:30 a.m. Friday for our weekend adventure. We booked a King suite at the Drury Inn for Friday and Saturday night. If you've never stayed in one I highly recommend it! It was little pricier than some in the area but they had HOT breakfast and a 3 free drink happy hour with bar food munchies. The money we saved from not going out to breakfast was worth it! Our room was nice and we had a separate room from the kiddos, so that was even nicer. We checked in about 11 on Friday dropped off our stuff then hit the mall! Both of the kiddos had a school clothes money and it was burning a hole in their pocket. I wish I could say we went to some neat stores we don't have here, but that's not the case. The Oak Park Mall had pretty much the exact same stores our mall does. Jonathan hit the motherload at Hot Topic. They had $19 skinny jeans(on sale from $34, thank the Lord!). He got 4 pairs and a very LOUD belt. We hit up a couple of other skate stores for him and got some t's. Then went to JC Penney and Justice for Savannah. Lord, I was wondering if I was ever going to be able to find her a shirt with out Justen Beiber on it. That kid is sooooo not cute! On Friday evening we went to dinner at an awesome Italian restaurant. Unfortunately we had to bail early b/c Harri had his fill and was just crying non-stop. So Jason and I enjoyed our dinner in the hotel room. Ahhhh, the joys of parenthood!

Saturday we got up and had our hot breakfast at the hotel, it was pretty yumm-o. Then we headed to the Legends, which is an outdoor outlet mall. It was neat place with statues and fountains, and of course, shopping! I hit up the adidas store and got a new running tank, sports bra, socks, and my favorite, foam flip flops! They are the kind that are memory foam. They mold to your feet when you put them on. Soooo awesome! We also got Harri 2 new pairs of shoes at the Stride Rite store. His fat feet make him darn near impossible to buy shoes for. SR has W and XW for kids which is great and we took advantage of the buy one get one 1/2 off sale :O) For lunch we went to T-Rex. It's like Rainforest Cafe, but with a dinosaur/Jurassic theme. It was pretty neat and the kids loved it. I still prefer RC, but I'm glad we went. It was fun and the food was great. After the Legends we went to the Apple store or as my Grampy calls it...the mothership. Jason has been trying to decide between a used motorcycle or a mac. Praise the Lord he came to senses and decided on a mac(can you tell I'm not a fan of motorcycles?) We got a Mac Book Pro with iwork(like office) and a printer. They offer an education discount so we saved $100 on the computer(which is awesome b/c Apple doesn't have sales), and $30 on the iwork disc, and the printer was free, with a rebate of course. Jason got a new rockin' Hurley bag for school too. Overall an expensive trip to the apple store, but I think it will be so worth it in the end. Saturday evening we hung out at the hotel and vegged while the big kids swam.

This morning Harri woke up bright and early at 6:30! What was that boy thinking?? So he snuggled in bed with us and watched TV. I got sucked into ordering some make up from Lezza Gibbons. I'm really not a make up person, but I'd like to be. I've been spoiled by my husband telling me all the time how beautiful I am, so I don't feel the need to get all gussied up. Bad, I know. I should do it for me, but I don't really care. I'm trying to be more girly though(kinda late in life I know). So I have been buying more girly tops instead of just v-neck t-shirts(my default favorite!) and I've been trying to look for cute shoes. Something more feminine than just a pair of black flats(again, my default fave). Anyway, I digress, I didn't stay on the Bare Minerals bandwagon, so we'll see how this goes.

This morning we headed home and back to real life. The kiddos are in bed and ready for the first day of school( I think). Jason's classes start on Thursday, so he'll be home with Harri most of the week then Grammie duty will kick back in. I'm ready for school to be in session and for life to be back to normal. Oh, and I start seeing the trainer again on Tuesday! Whoo-hoo!

I'm so pissed I could scream!

Remember a few months back when I said that my dad's girlfriend called me, but my dad didn't? Guess who called me today? My dad, asking me to talk to his girlfriend!! He's left 2 messages telling me he loves me and misses me and "please talk to to Tanya.' What the fuck? WHY???? I don't know this woman and I have nothing to say!! What makes me more angry is that she called my Grammie and asked Grammie to call me and ask me to call her. Double WTF? Now my Grammie is upset with me b/c I said I didn't want to talk to her(the girlfriend). I know she only wants me to talk to her b/c it's the only time we get information on Dad. The thing is, I'm done with my parents. I only want information that he WANTS to give him. I'm not desperate enough for information to get it from his girlfriend.

I'm livid with all of them. With my father for not calling(ever!), with Tanya for thinking I have anything to say to her, and with my Grammie for making me feel bad about not wanting to talk to Tanya.

So much to blog, so little patience for typing!

Oh where to begin?? I suppose I should start with my current frustration. Jason's job. Yes, Jason has a job now. He received a call out of the blue last Monday to interview for the position of Director of Accounting for a local accounting firm. It's really flattering how it all came about. Someone from his old job(yes, the one he left a year ago) recommended him for the position. So they called, he interviewed, they offered the job, he countered their offer, he accepted. Oh, but wait! What about Harri! Who's going to care for him? That's my job to figure out in one day....Grrrrr. So Jason will be missing the last 2 weeks of his summer lit class to go to work and of course he'll only be taking his night class in the fall. No more full time student status. :O( One of my favorite quotes is this: The chief pang of most trials is not so much the actual suffering itself as our own spirit of resistance to it. I used to be very flexible and willing to change I was an Army wife and up for whatever the Army threw at us. Well, I must have had my fill, b/c I hate change now. I had a plan, a vision for our lives over the next 2 years. Now it's all different, not a bad different, just different. Well, kind of a bad different. One of the reasons I was OK with going back to work while Jason went to school was that Harri would be with my Grammie and his Daddy during the day, no daycare. I liked that. Well, my Grammie is awesome, and 71 years old. She can't really be caring for a 2 year old 10 hours a day 5 days a week. It's too much. So daycare it is :O( I THOUGHT I had found a place that would take him part time and Grammie could still keep him part time. I called them back today(after speaking with them on Friday) and the girl I spoke too was incorrect. They don't accept 2 year olds part-time. Bastards. It pretty much pissed me off and ruined my day. It looks like Harri is going to spend his time being bounced around to 2-3 different Mother's day out programs. I don't know what else to do. Most home daycare's won't take a part time child and it looks like neither will a corporate daycare. So frustrated and upset. I want to be home with my Harri...

On a happy note: Tara came to visit! We had an awesome weekend. We ran on Friday morning and went swimming Friday afternoon. Then hung out Friday night. Saturday we got up ran a 5k and then took the girls bowling and to Starbucks, while the boys golfed. It was great to just lay around and be lazy with an old friend. We played cards, watched TV(to include Veggie Tales!) and had an awesome time! I was sad to see them pull out of the driveway, but I'm super excited to see them over labor day weekend :O)

I have alot to saying about running too, but I'll post that on the other blog.

Bad day, Good month....

So today was pretty crappy. I went into work and all was well for a while, until I found out some stuff about a transaction, that now will not close. I won't bore you with the details, but it's not going to close and I don't like it when my transactions don't close. Grrr...... Then our stupid, pig headed, sexist landlord refuses to come fix our sink with out charging us. He says "women" put to much stuff down the disposal and that's why it's clogged. Then on the way home I hit a dip, and something flies off my car. OR at least clanks, and sounds like it's flying off my car. I looked back and saw a long shiny screw looking thing. I can't imagine anything on our car still being that shiny, but I also can't imagine that it was something on the road. I drive home, and later we went to Grammie's and the car is running with no problems. So let's pray it stays that way!!

Justyne and Tara are both visiting this month! I'm so excited! I haven't seen Tara since 2004 and Justyne since 2006. It's going to be so fun to spend time with friends from back in the day. I can't wait!!

20 Questions

1. On a typical day if you were not heard from, at what time would someone start to worry? Who would notice first?

Not including Jason? Josh, my boss, he'd want to know why I wasn't at work!

2. My favorite guilty pleasures are:

I don't think I have any "guilty" pleasures. Right now I don't do anything for myself but work out. However, I try very hard to make sure I do that, no matter what.

3. The one thing I want to do before I die that I haven't done yet is:

Play with my grandchildren

4. My worst vice is:

Pepsi

5. Name three things you would do with the money if you won the lottery? (PLEASE don't be pompous and say I would go to work the very next day and not do anything differently )

1. Buy land and build our dream home

2. Buy Jason a 1972 C-10 in orange and white

3. Make sure my extended family is comfortable

6. Are you living the life you always thought you would live? If not, why?

Pretty much, the life itself is what I imagined. Just minor details that I didn't

7. What food(s) do you just HATE?

Nothing I can think of, I like all foods

8. Who's life would you like to experience for a day? (again, please no pompous "no one, I only want to be me" stuff. )

Could I make changes in their life while I'm them....LOL :O)

9. What material item is on the top of your wish list right now? (a wish list means you can *want* anything, no matter how expensive or selfish )

A new car

10 Favorite candy:

3 musketeers and twix

11. One thing that you would never guess about me is:

I have a secret fear of falling on ice and busting out my front teeth

12. I wouldn't be caught dead ________?

in a bikini

13. My favorite color is:

Orange, and if you didn't know that, don't ever return to this blog :O)

14. What was your favorite childhood memory?

Getting the She-ra fountain/castle thing when I was in 2nd grade


15. Your best body part:

My eyes

16. Dream job:

Counselor(only after stay at home mom and wife, that'll always be my #1 choice)

17.What is the bravest thing you have ever done?

Listened to God and followed his direction when I didn't really want to, but I'm so glad I did :O)

18. Favorite movie:

Grease, Grease 2, Forest Gump, Shawshank Redemption


19. Give yourself a compliment:

I'm pretty awesome. I'm a loyal friend and wife, a great listener, I give good advice, I am able to look at things from different points of view and still remain true to myself. I am fun to be around, I love God and know that he can work miracles and I'm a kick as runner too!!

20. Something you love that other people probably don't know about...... a food, music group, TV show, vacation spot, clothing line, cleaning tip ANYTHING that you think is worth sharing that others most likely have never heard of.

I honestly don't know. I'm a pretty open book, and share lot... Hmmm....I LOVE quotes, reading quotes, sharing quotes, finding quotes that apply to my or a situation. A great can can get you through a bad spot.

Seriously, so busy...

Jason and my grandmother have both mentioned the last few days that I haven't seemed myself. I feel great, I feel blessed and happy with all that God has given me. The only thing I can figure...I'm exhausted. Straight up tired, all the time. I don't sleep enough. Athletes(sounds so bizarre calling myself that!) require no less than 8 hours per night. I rarely ever get that. According to my runners mag, it should a non negotiable subject. Sleep at least 8 hours. That's when your body recovers. Lord knows I need recovery, but I'm lucky to get in 7 hours. Between getting up to run, work, baseball, softball, trainer, house work, running around, yoga, I feel like I don't have time to do anything! Tuesday is Savannah's last game. I'm so thankful for this! Tuesdays and Thursdays are a beating. Up at 6, run to the gym, trainer from 6:30-7, Home to shower and get everyone ready, out the door at 8:15. Work from 9-5, Home at 5:30, load up the car, game at 6, game at 7:30, home at 9. Drop dead. Notice there's no dinner in there? Normally it's drive thru or nothing. Then at 9 everybody is sweaty, tired, and cranky from being at the ball fields. By the time all the showers have been taken, dinner has been eaten, and everyone is in bed it's 10:30. Then I'm back up at 4;45 the next morning to run.

I'm not complaining, I love my life. I'm just stating facts. We are busy. Multiple kids, in multiple activities, make for one tired mama. Then when the mama decides to have multiple activities too, well then it becomes a whirl wind! I'm not giving up my stuff though. I see to many woman sacrifice for their husbands and children. Which isn't always a bad thing, but some people take it to extreme. You don't have to give up everything for your family. Let's me honest here, would they give up everything for you? Probably not. So, I'm keeping my busy schedule. I'm just gonna do my best to slip in more sleep.

Wheew!

It's been awhile. I apologize for that. We've been busy. Nothing crazy, the normal stuff. Games on Tuesday and Thursday, class on Monday and Wednesday. I, of course, work full time. Add in there my workout schedule(I'll put that on the other blog) and we are go, go, go!!

I haven't spoken to my mother since the happening on the last post. She called later that day has probably called 7 times since then. I'm just not ready for it. I don't want to be ugly, and I'm still angry enough to let my tongue get the best of me. So I don't answer. I will have to speak to her soon since my sister is due to give birth in the next 2 weeks.

Hmmm, not much else. I've had a lifetime of excitement and I'm super grateful for the boring life we lead. I love the craziness of kids, games, work, class, and everything else that we do. I'll try to find more to blog about soon, but you can read my 500 other blogs tonight to get more info. I'm going to try and update them all!

Alcohol

I first want to post a disclaimer. The following blog is my opinion. Everyone has different opinions. I'm not posting this to pick on anyone(except my parents) if something happens to apply to you, I'm not posting about it on purpose or calling you out. This blog is about me, my parents and how their alcoholism has and continues to effect my life.

I don't drink. Not to say I never did, everyone has their wild and crazy days. Honestly, mine were before I was even able to drink legally. Now at the ripe old age of 31, I drink on very rare occasions. I truly feel it adds nothing to my life. I don't feel better, happier, friendlier, or more content, when I drink. I certainly don't drink after a bad day, hard day, long day. I've come to realize that having a beer(or any alcoholic beverage) after a bad day on a consistent basis is alcoholism waiting to happen. People tend to make the worst choices of their lives while under the influence, so what's the draw again??

Both of my parents are alcoholics. This is another reason why I don't touch the stuff. You can tell yourself that the choices you make now won't or don't effect your children, but it's a lie. My parents both think that they are good parents, my parents both think that their drinking doesn't effect anyone else. It's bullshit. My children hardly know who my father is b/c he's never around. He's currently shacked up with some woman in a town 45 minutes from us. He's lived there for over 2 years. I've seen him 3 times. For awhile we didn't know if he was still there or not b/c his phone was disconnected. Then about 2 weeks ago his GIRLFRIEND called my grandmother, and later me. No, my dad didn't call us, his girlfriend did. Talking some BS about he loves us, and cares for us. I called bullshit. I told her if really loved me he'd be calling me himself. Then I got "Oh, but you don't understand" spiel. Whatever. I understand alcohol is more important to him than his daughter and grandchildren. She tried to tell me he talks about us all the time. HA! She shut up when I said, what can he possibly say? He doesn't know us...He's only seen my son Harrison once. He hasn't been around in years. There's nothing to talk about. That was pretty much how we ended it and she hasn't called back, and of course neither has he.

My mother, now she hasn't been an alcoholic my whole life like my dad has. Her drinking didn't start until I was middle teens and never home. So honestly, I didn't notice. I was 18, married and living in a different town before I realized how bad it was. Before my Grannie died, she told she thought that she drank so much b/c it was her coping mechanism for guilt b/c her second husband abused her. I know he did, I was there, and I can even concede that the drinking for awhile afterwords may have been coping drinking. In the first few years after she started drinking heavily she got 2(that I know of DUI's). DUI's that had mandatory counseling involved. Counseling that had she been honest at, could have helped her with these "issues", but she wasn't, so they didn't and look where we are now. Where is that you ask? It's a place where your grandchildren don't want to be around you b/c you smell so bad of beer and cigarettes. It's a place where your grandchildren and children don't want to come to your house b/c you don't clean it b/c your to drunk or too busy getting drunk. It's a place where your children shudder at inviting you to the same place their friends are b/c we never know how you are going to behave when you arrive. Which brings us to today. Misty and I spent the last month planning Ashyra's 5th birthday party. In the beginning stages we contemplated the guest list. Do we want to invite Ashyra's friends from school if we are going to be inviting Mom? We decided that Ashyra would be happier with her Me-ma there(she's still too young to completely grasp the whole situation). So basically we were having a party for only family. Well, on Friday our little sister says she not coming(3rd pregnancy in 3 years), she's not feeling well. However, mom is supposed to pick up her 2 oldest children and bring them. This plan is firmed up on Friday night. Then at 9:15 this morning Misty receives a call from Tiffany who is upset b/c mom says she's not picking up her children to come to the party. Her 4 year old is upset b/c she was excited to come to the party, Tiffany's upset b/c she doesn't understand why mom isn't picking up her children. Misty calls me, I call mom. Turns out mom isn't picking up Tiff's children b/c she isn't coming to the party. She says it's b/c she doesn't have the money. Once again, I call bullshit. Let me tell you why. You know several days before an event if you are going to have the money. If she didn't have the money Saturday at 9 a.m., then she didn't have the money Friday at 5 and should have called then. If she didn't have the money, then why did she tell Elizabeth she'd pick her up this morning? No, she had the money. She was just to hungover. She didn't want to get out of bed early enough to be on the road by 10. She's lazy and selfish. I could tell by the way she was talking to me money wasn't the issue. She wasn't at apologetic, she was just a bitch. So I said, "Maybe if you didn't spend so much money on beer, you could afford to come to your granddaughters birthday party" Then I hung up. I'm done. I'm done with investing my time and my life into relationships where I get no return.

Both my parents know they drink to much and neither of them care. They are to selfish, to wrapped up in themselves to really give a damn about other people. I love them and I always will, however I choose not to to let that toxic behavior into my life anymore.

Accountability

I don't have time to blog right now, but here's a few topics I wanted to get down before I forget:

My Parent's Alcoholism
Jason's Egg Donor
Good people do bad things

Look for those exciting blogs in the near future!!

Just for Tara :O)

Now let's see if I can remember all the stuff she asked for....

Harrison's blog, I'll try to get to it tonight...Definitely this week! I promise!

Scrapping- I haven't scrapped in forever. I did like 3 pages a few months ago, but I ended up packing my stuff away and putting in the storage shed. I just didn't have the time.

I don't have any descent before and afters. I've only lost 17lbs., I'm definitely trimmer. Clothes fit better and I can run 4 miles when I couldn't do that in January! I have a LONG way to go though...about 55 lbs and 22 miles. Here's the best(or worst) before I could find. I HATE this picture!

This is me this morning before Church, so it's super recent!

KC- We had fun. It was a whirlwind! Jason picked me up at 3:30, we drove to Kansas City, ate dinner, saw Chelsea, and drove home. It was a fast 11 hours! Chelsea makes me blush on TV, so you can imagine how filthy her live show was. It was pretty bad, not all of it, but some parts made me VERY uncomfortable. On the way home Jason and I played memory ABC. We took turns coming up with a memory for every letter of the alphabet. It was fun to talk about old memories and what each of us remembered.

You already know everything...

Since I keep my blog so private, and I spend so much time on FB my whopping 5 readers are my friends and already know most everything going on in my life. I'm gonna try and find something to post about to tomorrow. Anyone have any ideas? Any questions? You need answered? Any deatils or follow ups I've slacked on?

Disappointed

Today is a sad day. It's the first time I have been truly disappointed in one my children.

Jonathan cheated on a test.

When I found out I wanted to cry and throw up. I was(and still am) mortified. He is has not met his AR goal for the month. There is a school field trip to the zoo on Friday and he needed AR points to be able to go. So somehow his "friend" took a test on a 12 point book, and then Jonathan followed suite. He took the test, and got a 100%. The sad part is that I was SO proud of him. We get the e-mails at home, and Jason forwarded me the confirmation e-mail from his test showing he received a 100%. Then to get a note sent home about the cheating...it was awful.

Needles to say, he laid in his bed in the fetal position for awful. Then it was time for consequences. Lots of them. He's completely, and totally grounded until the end of school. No phone, no DRC, extra chores, basically he's my slave for the next 17 days.

Taylor

I suppose it's about time I talked about Taylor. This was the BEST concert I have ever been to. It wasn't just a concert. It was a show. Costumes changes, set changes, all the things that you need to stay entertained for 2 hours and feel satisfied with the money you spent on the tickets!

Taylo singing Love Story

Love the dress! Totally dressed the part!

Taylor loves sundresses and cowboy boots

Singing Picture to Burn

Savannah was so overwhelmed she started crying!

She had sets for almost every song. This is Tear Drops on my guitar

Check out the set for You Belong with me :O) Pretty Sweet!

And my personal favorite:
"Shoulda said said No"
She ended the show just like her ACM performance from a few years back
The rain with the word NO in it, and she got in there and sang
It was awesome!

Love her so much!

You're off the hook, if you wanna be!

I'm transitioning my running babble to new blog. That way if you WANT to read it you can, you don't want to you don't have to. The new blog is:

http://pavement-princess.blogspot.com

This is where I where chronicle all my running woes and wins. So this should go back to being a regular 'ol blog!! I hope!!

My personal best

I did my personal best at my 5k this morning!! Whoo-hoo! I ran the 5k in 43 mins which is a 13 minute 50 second mile pace. My previous best? 14:30. I'm so excited! More blogging later. Happy Sunday Friends. Don't forget to praise the Good Lord above!!

My 3rd 5k

And I haven't run(more than a mile and a half) since my 5k last week. I'm going to be HURTING tomorrow morning! Wish me luck!!

I'm BBBBBBAAAACCCCCKKKKK!

I guess I just needed to whine and get it out of system.

Today I feel GREAT!!

I met my first weight loss goal(and then some!)

I'm in the office alone, got my orange ipod on and I'm jamming to my Tay-Tay. Love that girl

I'm going running tonight

Doing another 5k Sunday

L~O~V~I~N' the good life I lead :O)

Blah, blah, blah

I'm feeling super funky. No rhyme or reason. Just plum funky. I think work is part of it. I'm super stressed and super busy. Then shit keeps popping into my head. No reason for it. Just pop..pop..pop... I must it admit sometimes i hunt it down. It's hard to stay away though. I must challenge myself to stay away. Hunting it down does NO good. No good I say. It's been frustrating me lately though. Hence the popping into my head and the funky mood. I'd like to run it off, but I don't even feel like running. It's been 2 days since I ran and 4 days since my last long run. I'm going to be hating life after my next 3 miler.

I'm super frustrated with VA too. Seriously, could they please stop fucking with our money?? Oh, and feel free to answer a fucking phone every now and then. I'm ready for Jason to quit school and go back to work. This shit is ridiculous. It really is.

Harrison has turned into a full fledged BRAT. He was totally bullying the kids in the waiting room yesterday. He pushed a girl off a chair and pushed down a boy who was in his way. Good Times I say(very sarcastically) He hits, screams, throws food and is just plain rotten. I swatted him on his bottom last night....and he laughed at me. Ya, he went to bed at 7:03 p.m. I wasn't up for that crap.

I can almost read your mind right now, " oh God, what's wrong with Angel, this is so unlike her". I'm fine. I truly am. Just a TAD on the stressed and frustrated side. Honestly, I even thought about having a drink. I SO don't believe in drinking to make yourself feel better though. That's how alcoholism starts, and since my parents are 2 of the biggest drunks I know. I tend to stay away from the stuff most of the time.

Okay, enough crappy Angel. I think I'm going to go to bed early so I can get up and run in the morning. I have .6 to my goal and it's being very stubborn about coming off, so an extra long run oughta do it.