bible banger

i hate that term. i think it's disrespectful and ugly. i never wanted to be called that, so i don't share my faith. most of my friends are not Christians so i didn't/don't want to offend. i am pretty active in my church though. i attend life group on wednesday, i teach and attend service on sunday mornings. or at least i did. i've been in a spiritual funk lately. this past wednesday was the first time i'd been to life group in about 6-8 weeks. i got lazy on sunday mornings and would only go to teach my kiddos during the second service, but hadn't been attending the first service for myself. today i woke up bright eyed at 8:15, so i went to first service. 6-8 weeks of no spiritual growth, and no one noticed. except me. and God i'm sure. what does that say for what kind of Christian i was(am)? that i can go almost 2 months with out much faith based interaction and no one noticed. that is sad. it makes me sad. i truly believe that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. i believe that he died on the cross for my sins(and yours). i believe that he will rise again. so why don't i say it? shout it from the roof tops? i am not ashamed. if people ask i will tell them i am the daughter of a king, but i don't put it out there. i have my church friends and my non-church friends. and that's not right. i want to be just one one angel. i want people to know by my actions that i'm a believer, i don't want them to even ask. i went to a leaders meeting tonight at church. i didn't really want to go. i figured i'm on such a roll with LG and service, why not? i am so glad i did. it truly gave me the kick in the rear i was needing. i was able to express my concern about something. that made me feel better. what made me feel even better was that i was approached by 3 people thanking me for expressing my concern, and validating how i felt. i wasn't alone. a light bulb, had been switched on, a door opened. i felt relieved. in an instant i felt like i was no longer alone. it all fell in to place. i needed to be back in LG, i needed to be at first service, i need that God time. "people" say you can "believe in God" even when you don't go to church. and that's true. there is a difference between just believing in something and actively pursuing a relationship. just believing in God will not get you to heaven. i am so thankful to be back on my walk with Christ. to feel whole again. it truly makes a difference. i feel like a little piece of my broken heart is unbroken, like a void has been filled. you don't even realize how much you miss Him until he has you back and safe in His loving arms. until he reaches out and says, welcome home my child, I've been waiting for you