Alcohol

I first want to post a disclaimer. The following blog is my opinion. Everyone has different opinions. I'm not posting this to pick on anyone(except my parents) if something happens to apply to you, I'm not posting about it on purpose or calling you out. This blog is about me, my parents and how their alcoholism has and continues to effect my life.

I don't drink. Not to say I never did, everyone has their wild and crazy days. Honestly, mine were before I was even able to drink legally. Now at the ripe old age of 31, I drink on very rare occasions. I truly feel it adds nothing to my life. I don't feel better, happier, friendlier, or more content, when I drink. I certainly don't drink after a bad day, hard day, long day. I've come to realize that having a beer(or any alcoholic beverage) after a bad day on a consistent basis is alcoholism waiting to happen. People tend to make the worst choices of their lives while under the influence, so what's the draw again??

Both of my parents are alcoholics. This is another reason why I don't touch the stuff. You can tell yourself that the choices you make now won't or don't effect your children, but it's a lie. My parents both think that they are good parents, my parents both think that their drinking doesn't effect anyone else. It's bullshit. My children hardly know who my father is b/c he's never around. He's currently shacked up with some woman in a town 45 minutes from us. He's lived there for over 2 years. I've seen him 3 times. For awhile we didn't know if he was still there or not b/c his phone was disconnected. Then about 2 weeks ago his GIRLFRIEND called my grandmother, and later me. No, my dad didn't call us, his girlfriend did. Talking some BS about he loves us, and cares for us. I called bullshit. I told her if really loved me he'd be calling me himself. Then I got "Oh, but you don't understand" spiel. Whatever. I understand alcohol is more important to him than his daughter and grandchildren. She tried to tell me he talks about us all the time. HA! She shut up when I said, what can he possibly say? He doesn't know us...He's only seen my son Harrison once. He hasn't been around in years. There's nothing to talk about. That was pretty much how we ended it and she hasn't called back, and of course neither has he.

My mother, now she hasn't been an alcoholic my whole life like my dad has. Her drinking didn't start until I was middle teens and never home. So honestly, I didn't notice. I was 18, married and living in a different town before I realized how bad it was. Before my Grannie died, she told she thought that she drank so much b/c it was her coping mechanism for guilt b/c her second husband abused her. I know he did, I was there, and I can even concede that the drinking for awhile afterwords may have been coping drinking. In the first few years after she started drinking heavily she got 2(that I know of DUI's). DUI's that had mandatory counseling involved. Counseling that had she been honest at, could have helped her with these "issues", but she wasn't, so they didn't and look where we are now. Where is that you ask? It's a place where your grandchildren don't want to be around you b/c you smell so bad of beer and cigarettes. It's a place where your grandchildren and children don't want to come to your house b/c you don't clean it b/c your to drunk or too busy getting drunk. It's a place where your children shudder at inviting you to the same place their friends are b/c we never know how you are going to behave when you arrive. Which brings us to today. Misty and I spent the last month planning Ashyra's 5th birthday party. In the beginning stages we contemplated the guest list. Do we want to invite Ashyra's friends from school if we are going to be inviting Mom? We decided that Ashyra would be happier with her Me-ma there(she's still too young to completely grasp the whole situation). So basically we were having a party for only family. Well, on Friday our little sister says she not coming(3rd pregnancy in 3 years), she's not feeling well. However, mom is supposed to pick up her 2 oldest children and bring them. This plan is firmed up on Friday night. Then at 9:15 this morning Misty receives a call from Tiffany who is upset b/c mom says she's not picking up her children to come to the party. Her 4 year old is upset b/c she was excited to come to the party, Tiffany's upset b/c she doesn't understand why mom isn't picking up her children. Misty calls me, I call mom. Turns out mom isn't picking up Tiff's children b/c she isn't coming to the party. She says it's b/c she doesn't have the money. Once again, I call bullshit. Let me tell you why. You know several days before an event if you are going to have the money. If she didn't have the money Saturday at 9 a.m., then she didn't have the money Friday at 5 and should have called then. If she didn't have the money, then why did she tell Elizabeth she'd pick her up this morning? No, she had the money. She was just to hungover. She didn't want to get out of bed early enough to be on the road by 10. She's lazy and selfish. I could tell by the way she was talking to me money wasn't the issue. She wasn't at apologetic, she was just a bitch. So I said, "Maybe if you didn't spend so much money on beer, you could afford to come to your granddaughters birthday party" Then I hung up. I'm done. I'm done with investing my time and my life into relationships where I get no return.

Both my parents know they drink to much and neither of them care. They are to selfish, to wrapped up in themselves to really give a damn about other people. I love them and I always will, however I choose not to to let that toxic behavior into my life anymore.