My head and heart are heavy....

I have so many emotions running through me. I think I have experienced every human emotion in the last week.....

fear
disbelief
anger
shock
fury
pain
hurt
peace
lonely
guilt
nervous
insecure
judged
contempt
empty
detached
abandoned
dejected
glorious
free
ecstatic
unsure
loved
unloved

Wheew! That's list, but I have felt them all. Some for longer than others...Some are not gone yet, just in smaller doses. I despise uncertainty. I have had to trust God more in the last 6 days then I ever had in my entire life. I felt him, my strength came from him. Even Jason said he knew he was there. It's hard to deny feelings like that. It's even more difficult when you are feeling all of the above emotions, AND trusting in God because of the circumstances causing the emotions.

It's not all figured out yet. If it ever will be. I am taking it day by day, minute by minute. Admittedly some minutes are better then others. I'll be doing great, then a flash or memory from nowhere attacks me and I'm reduced to silence and sometimes tears.